CH. 4 – Prep Group – The Journey, The People and How Exhausted We Were

Hello happy followers or whoever has happened to stumble across my little area of the web. I apologise for being so quiet, it has literally taken me forever to get Chapter 4 out. But guess what, parenting is hard work and I get little to no quiet time anymore. But here I am, bringing you a new part of our story… I want to talk to you about Prep Group.

What is an Adoption Prep Group?

This is something every single potential adopter will experience. Think of an adoption prep group as your friendly neighbourhood support system or a school. It’s like a cosy gathering where soon-to-be parents, bursting with excitement and questions, come together to learn the ABCs of adoption. You’ll chat, share stories, and soak up invaluable wisdom from experienced folks who’ve already navigated this beautiful but sometimes bumpy road. It’s your crash course on the legal stuff, emotional rollercoasters, and the joyous moments that come with adopting a child. You will either love it or hate it…  it will either spur you on even more or make you want to give up altogether.
I do need to add that however, that every adoption agency and local authority work in a different order. Our adoption agency offer prep group before you are assigned a social worker and begin working them. Others offer prep group after this. But whatever your path is, you will experience Prep Group and all it has to offer.

Our Experience of Prep Group…..

So it’s January 2020, prep group would run over 3 Saturday, taking place at the agency head quarters. We had literally no idea what to expect, we didn’t know the social workers running it and we didn’t know how many other prospective adopters were attending the group.

It actually turned out to be the most diverse group you could imagine. First there was us – an overweight heterosexual English couple. Second was a very quiet Muslim couple. Third was an Gay Irish couple. And finally a slightly scatty laid back Scottish couple who already had 5 kids of their own. This Prep Group also turned out to be the agencies very last Prep Group in person pre Covid. Don’t you find it funny how we talk about everything in the pre/post Covid way now? In fact I remember having a conversation with everyone in the first prep group about “this virus” doing the rounds and how we were sure it would amount to nothing… little did we know huh?

Day one of Prep Group was hilarious if I’m honest and if you’ve ever heard people say that Social Workers are disorganised they certainly lived up to that name this morning. Between the two social workers running the Prep group, neither of them had a working key into the building. So for approx. 20 minutes the 8 of us were stood freezing our butts off, making small talk on the door step. Eventually another social worker (who did have a key) agreed to come and let us all in. But she was 30 minutes away, so the social workers treated us to coffee down the road. Not the most confident start to Prep group but it did give us all a chance to get to know each other.

Prep Group was tough, but only because there was so much intense information to take in. At the end of day one and after a 1 hour drive home, we were both exhausted. Despite this we were looking forward to the next session, because it meant our journey was continuing. If someone had told me right there and then, that a year later we would have been arranging intros to meet our two little boys for the first time I would never have believed them!!

What happened in Prep Group? A lot of talking and listening, a few exercises where we were expected to improvise, answer questions etc. Nothing too scary… I think we found it easier than some of the other couples who as far as I am aware none have gone on to adopt yet.

Some of the subjects we covered were:

Adoption Process Overview, Types of Adoption, Home Study, Emotional Preparation, Legal Considerations, Financial Considerations, Parenting Skills, Transracial and Cross-Cultural Adoption, Attachment and Bonding, Support Systems, Birth Parents and Birth Families, Child Development, Trauma and Special Needs, Post-Adoption Services, Preparing for Placement, Community Resources.

Obviously everything we learned above was very interesting and informative. But the best part about Prep Group was the visits from experienced adopters who have been through the process. In particular there was one couple who had adopted two boys of a similar age to ours. They absolutely pulled at my heart strings and I could have listened to them all day.

Did we learn anything in Prep group? Absolutely!! Did we use any of the advice? Not really! Most of the topics we covered did not relate to our boys at all.

One of the things I remember being told in Prep Group was never force a looked after child to sit on the lap of a family member or friend. For some children I absolutely understand this… and we pre warned a lot of our family to be reserved when they met the boys for the first time. Well, from day one our boys have been all over every single one of our family and friends. They are the most loving lovable little boys you will meet with very limited trauma. So please don’t believe every bad part of Prep Group. I almost feel like they are trying to scare you and only talk about the bad bits! Remember, not every child is the same.

What we could of done with was actual parenting lessons… how to put a nappy on my 3 year old who still wet the bed, how to get them to bed without screaming tantrums, how to get them to eat and not be so fussy…. etc!! But they need to educate you on the bad bits and make you realise the trauma most of these children have been through. Because that is the majority of what most looked after children have been through.

At the end of Prep Group we were asked to fill in a form of interest if we wished to continue (which we did of course) and within 2 weeks our very own Social worker Fiona (not her real name) was sat in our living room doing our first ever home study session…. telling us all about how she believe that Covid-19 was all a load of “Hoo Haa”!! We didn’t see her again in person for 8 months, our whole home study was done via Video calls.

To Conclude:

Please don’t be afraid of prep group, it’s an experience you will remember forever. Hopefully you will be matched with a good group of people like we were and have some laughs along the way.